Through, Not in Spite Of

I knew last Sunday was going to be a very full and crazy day - moreso than usual for the pastor's family, that is.  So, I steeled myself against it.  When it turned out even more intense than I expected, I was strong.  And, we made it through. 


As I woke up this morning, though, something occurred to me about last Sunday.  I might have gone in with expectation that the Lord would be my strength and gird me up in the long day, but I didn't go in with the expectation that I would see His hand at work.  There was no real joy in being strengthened through the day.
My concern was that I would have the strength to make it through the day, and it was all for the sake of myself.  The idea of having strength to glorify the Lord was furthest from my mind.


That grieves me this morning.  It also grieves me that it took a week for me to get it through my thick skull!


In Sunday school this morning we will be working through selected verses from 1 Cor 8-11.  A lot of the emphasis will be on the fact that it's not about us - it's about 1) glorifying God and 2) expanding His kingdom.  That should be our active intention.


Even as I type this, the Lord is showing me how He used the strength He gave me last week to glorify Himself and further His kingdom despite the fact that those were not my intentions.  It's so humbling and awesome to know that I can be used by Him even when my heart isn't completely in the right place!  Only God can do such a thing through us stubborn humans, and it's beautiful!  As I think on it, it fills me with a hunger and passion to actually cooperate with Him.  Oh how much more could He do through me if I would just cooperate!


So, my challenge is just that.  I long to intentionally and actively use what He gives me to bring Him glory.  I long for it to be something that happens through me, not in spite of me.