Examined

But to me it is a very small thing that I may be examined by you, or by any human court; in fact, I do not even examine myself.  For I am conscious of nothing against myself, yet I am not by this acquitted; but the one who examines me is the Lord. 1 Corinthians 3:3-4

I realized something as I read these verse this morning. I realized that I frequently examine myself when I am supposed to be coming before the Lord in confession. I evaluate my thoughts and actions based on my conscience. That is a great place to start, because my conscience can come up with quite a few things to confess on a daily basis. But, is that truly fulfilling the depths of confession and a right relationship with God?

Because of the imputed righteousness of Christ, I am clean. Of that there is no doubt. But, I still cling to the flesh and this world in so many ways, some of which I am not yet even aware! Only the deeper revelation of the Holy Spirit can make these things known to me.

I am challenged to go deeper. I am challenged to not come in confession without asking God to truly search me and reveal what I don’t see. That has always been an intimidating concept to me, and many times I have backed away from it because of that intimidation. So, I am now challenged to boldly stand before God regularly and daily rather than in the occasional manner that has been my habit. I can do this in full assurance, knowing that I am covered by the righteous blood of Jesus Christ, and assured that the resulting cleansing – painful though it may be – will only be for my good and will result in a deeper abiding.

Being a Jonathan

Today I was reading 1 Samuel 20, the beautiful and sad story of the friendship between David and Jonathan and all they both sacrificed in and for that friendship.

This morning my thoughts were on Jonathan. As I read, I began to ponder all of the things he surrendered in favor of this friendship. The list might not be long in words, but in the weight of sacrifice, it is enormous.

• A smooth relationship with his father. Saul was insane, but Jonathan could have kept things as smooth as possible by not siding with David.
• The throne. God intended that David have the throne. Period. There is nothing Jonathan could have done to stop that. But, he could have clung to it in his own heart and mind. Instead, he willingly surrendered it long before it was widely known that it would belong to David.
• His life. This, to me, is the most heartbreaking part of the story. Jonathan died young and beside his deranged father. I sometimes wonder why he could not have lived and stood beside David, but God knew why. He knew Israel was to be united behind David, and it would not be had Jonathan lived. Jonathan seemed to know that, too, for he asked David to be kind to his family. He willingly surrendered his life.

Jonathan challenges so much in me. I see how selfish I am when I look at my heart, desires, and willingness (or lack thereof) to surrender and compare it all to Jonathan’s heart and actions. He clung to nothing, but actively surrendered himself to the will of God in what seemed to be a practically impossible situation.

Jonathan’s sacrifice worked for God’s glory in and through David. I am challenged to be a Jonathan. I am challenged to put aside what I see as right, fair, successful, and beneficial and surrender to God’s plan. It is perfect – even if it doesn’t always seem so for me.

Weary and Heavy-Laden

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

This morning I awoke to the realization of four major things I was supposed to have done earlier this week but hadn’t. The weariness just pounded down over me before I even got out of bed. I was tired. Tired of getting up at 5:15 every morning, being diligent to exercise, trying to balance eating well and sticking to our grocery budget, keeping up with household chores, staying on top of reminding kids to do the things that should be second nature to them. Tired of resisting temptation. Tired of heat, humidity, mosquitoes, and the cats. Tired of all of the constant battles that come with being a people pleaser – being reminded that God is the only One I need to please while still struggling with the guilt, frustration, and pain of knowing that I have to trust God with any way people are displeased or hurt because of my obedience to Him. Or because of my failure to do so. Tired of a schedule. Tired of putting aside the things I’d like to do in favor of what I’m supposed to do. Tired of being diligent even when there are no visible results.

You get the picture. Probably a whole lot more than you wanted.

When I am tired, Matthew 11:28 naturally pops into my mind. But, to be honest, I’m still light-years away from learning to receive the rest my Lord offers. It seems so much easier to wallow in my weariness. Herein lies my challenge: to take a step toward improvement today!  Every time one of these things I’m tired of comes to mind today, I am challenged to take it to the Lord. Not to think about it, mull over it, and be further discouraged about it. No, instead I must pray about it. Surrender it to Him. I’m not to the point yet where I can just lay the whole bundle at His feet and move on. I have to do it thought by thought, moment by moment.

Today I need to go to Him. In that and that alone, I will find rest.